Only a small fraction of the women I have dated have acted-out consistently on the narcissistic spectrum. There is no room for your feelings in that, unless you’re feeling positive emotions such as admiration or love. I have combined the experiences with those women into a composite for the purposes of this article, and I have attempted to disguise their identity. There seems to be a notion that narcissistic behavior is usually perpetrated by men. Since the narcissist takes no responsibility for their experience, including feelings, any negative experience must be your fault. Any attempt to assert the self as an independent entity is met with strong resistance. Me: I was just trying to read my book and then this happened. The enabler must warp themselves to fit the needs of the narcissist.
This example is at the extreme end of the spectrum of narcissism. This is very clearly visible in a relationship between a drug addict and their “enabler.” The codependent enabler tries to get the addict to stop taking their drug of choice, while the addict, the one with the power to stop, is happy to abdicate their responsibility and rely on the codependent enabler. The result is disability: the resources and patience of the addict’s partner get increasingly depleted, while the addict slowly dies. Just as it takes two people to have a healthy relationship, it also takes two people to have a dysfunctional relationship. The ultimate knowledge of reality lies with the narcissist. Her: I can hear that you’re angry by the sound of your voice! Her: I thought about something you said and that made me angry! I recommend that you contact her for a free consultation.