Just wait to see if he’s acting like a boyfriend FIRST; don’t treat him like one until he’s earned it. Practice sexclusivity (particularly if you can’t handle no-strings-attached sex) I’ve written about this extensively, so I won’t rehash the entire argument.
But, in short, if you are the type of woman who does not like the feeling of sleeping with a man when you have no idea whether he’s your boyfriend, STOP sleeping with men who are not your boyfriend.
This was specifically created to protect the hearts of women who have sex with guys they’ve been seeing for a few weeks, and proceed to get upset when they see him online, when he doesn’t text frequently enough, and when it’s become increasingly clear that he just wanted sex, not a relationship. If he does – if he thinks he deserves to get laid when he hasn’t committed to you – well, I guess he’s not going to get laid. A man isn’t boyfriend-worthy because you feel a real connection with him.
In other words, you should both “know” what you are without a heavy discussion.
It’s not particularly complicated, but, after years of giving this advice, I’ve discovered that it’s a) surprisingly controversial and b) surprisingly hard for women to execute. And she thinks she’s following my script and holding out properly. Here’s what you actually say: “Hey, I’m really attracted to you and would love to sleep with you, however I don’t like having sex with guys who are actively looking for other women on ” And he’ll say, “Yeah, I get it.” And then you’ll say, “So, when we both figure out if this is a relationship worth exploring, you’re in for the night of your life. Once you both agree to give a relationship a shot, there’s some great sex in store.
So here’s the deal: if you like having sex based on mutual attraction, can easily separate sex from emotion, and have no real attachment to whether he calls you again, then, by all means, ignore this advice. She’s now had sex with a guy who is NOT her boyfriend, and she still has no idea whether he’s seeing anyone else, whether he has any feelings towards her, or whether he’s going to call her the next day. In the meantime, I can think of some other fun things to do…” And then you can proceed to explore each others’ bodies to the limits of whatever boundaries you decide to set. It should be pretty hard for him to argue with that. Take 4-6 weeks to assess whether he’s boyfriend-worthy A man isn’t boyfriend-worthy because he’s cute and smart and funny.
I am scared of getting hurt and us not being on the same page.
But, I am equally scared of pushing for something that is happening naturally and perhaps making him feel pressured and stressed about something that is easy and great, naturally. If I talk with him, how do I bring up being exclusive so that he doesn’t feel pressured?